All-time Fantasy Grammys


This photograph has absolutely no relevance to the post. I just want to know if anyone notices these captions that I so carefully put up.

So the Grammy’s were on the other day. I did not watch. I find they refuse to nominate me or give me awards. Clearly this is discrimination against the talentless unknowns. As Supreme Peon and Idiotic Twit (SPIT) of the Council for Recognition of Atonal Performers (CRAP), I therefore called for a boycott from my basement office. This was met with universal and unanimous approval across the Council, whose current membership is somewhat higher than 0 peaking as high as 1.

Actually the past Grammies were a few months ago. But as we come to the end of the year, it’s time when a new set rolls around soon. So, CRAP has decided to conduct it’s own ceremony, using a redesigned set of … erm… what’s the word I’m looking for, cats come into it, .. catacombs? No. Categories! Nominees are then nominated ( well, what else would they be?) and the winner selected by a selection of select selectors selected from residents of my basement office. Each category will consist of  between 1 and 4 nominees, possibly 6 or maybe eight. It may be higher. We don’t know yet, we haven’t written that far yet.

Votes will be counted online without the use of any accountants, who, to the best of my knowledge cannot count, tending, as they are wont to do, towards making the difference between the left and right side equal to zero. This is how they make a difference, actually. By making the difference zero. One of the reasons I failed at my accounting career, was due to my failing to make a difference = 0. The other reason was apathy, ennui, laziness and general interest in other things, such as wine, women and song. And cricket. But enough about me. Onwards to the awards! First, however, we need categories.

If you’ve read SloWord at all you will know that I don’t mean the boring ( and arbitrary ) categorizations they use at the actual Grammies. I mean categories, real categories, you know, like “Most Warbly”, “Best Falsetto”, “Most Screechy”.

That sorta thing… let your imagine go. Break those shackles that limit your creativity at work and let your mind run free.

Categories selected will receive due credit on the blog. Think of the sheer magnificence of it – your name on SloWord!!

Once categories have been categorized, we will move on to step 2. The Nomination. ( Or Abomination, if you have a cold… )

So there you have it! Bring it on.

SloWord is an equal opportunity pretentiousness prodder! Caste no bar! Language no bar! Age no bar! We accept blondes, brunettes, long hair, short hair, no hair! Shirt and shoes no bar! Barre chords no bar!

Here are some categories I came up with, with some sample nominations

  • Weirdly Falsetto Vocals
  • Song of Hate
  • Pearls Among Disco
  • Tree-hugger Hippie
  • College Life
  • A Beatle or a Rolling Stone
  • Psychedelic Mindbend aka The Great Trip
  • Calcutta Sunday Afternoon
  • What the heck?
  • Emotionally Weird

The game then, is to send in your nominations for every category that excites you. If you wish to create your own category, write in and let me know.

Get on it!

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