Miscellany, Peeved Punjabi

Is that a sport?


Well, here  we are again! Figure skating controversy at the Sochi Winter Olympics. Surprise! Shock! Horror!

Winter Olympic Games :*Denomination: 60 Filler
Winter Olympic Games :*Denomination: 60 Filler (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must confess this post was started during the London Olympics and consisted of the following two paragraphs (to make it easier for the not-so-bright-at-understanding-long-sentences-in-English I’ve put them (the two paragraphs) in italics.)

The first week of the Olympics brought with it the usual fare of unending gymnastics, synchronized water events mixed with swimming, some field sports and the odd pure races in boats and on cycles.

I think I’ll start a movement to include dance in the Olympics – think of the hours of TV time we could sell – with separate events for Latin, Ballroom, Modern, Hip-hop (singles, pairs and groups) and with team, pairs and individual medals. It would be an absolute bonanza for TV executives. Not too mention the manufacturers of medals. More jobs! Boost in economy via the ripple effect! Everyone’s a winner!

Any “sport” that is dependent on the judgement of a panel of judges whose scores require averaging / leveling or any mathematical manipulation is suspect. If there are any “artistic elements” involved you lost me. If there is any thing resembling a stuffed toy or a bouquet that is presented after the “performance”, yep! Not an Olympic sport!

Absolute scoring is the test of a true sport. You must run, swim, cycle, ski, snowboard faster, jump higher, shoot better.

So, get rid of boxing, wrestling, all gymnastics (rhythmic first!), trampolining (oh dear lord!), synchronised swimming, figure skating, ice dancing (kill me now!), any snowboarding / skiing events that include artistic elements. Oh – while at it, remove equestrian nonsense as well.

Move these to the Artistic Olympics, you can add dancing (see italicised paragraphs above). Even more money to be made with 3 sets of Olympics! More medals! More bouquets!

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15 thoughts on “Is that a sport?”

    1. Oh – the possibilities are endless. Line Dancing, square dancing, folk dancing, Indian dance forms, Bollywood bust heaving…

      Then of course you can have medals for calling square dancing, costumes, choreography, production, original music, music composer.

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      1. I have no insider knowledge of the precise processes which may elevate one’s ponderings to these lofty echelons… I only managed it once, and that was during the summer hiatus, when everyone but I and a deranged Californian cat lady blogger were on holiday.

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  1. Ahh! I forgot about that….definitely we could enliven them up with Simon, Piers, a ditsy Paula type, some no-name “celeb”, maybe a D-grade singer, an assistant hairdresser from a Hollywood studio to judge hairstyles and a costume specialist to judge costumes, maybe a make-up artist to judge makeup. I can go on and on. This is such a lovely subject to let your creative imagination run wild.

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  2. We could get Shahnaz Husain to judge hair extensions :P, Salman Khan to judge the stunts, or go International and get Tom Cruise (who specialises in couch jumping), Paris Hilton to judge blondness, and Kim Kardashian to judge how much botox is natural!

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  3. Taking subjectivity out of judgment Huh? You will have no umpire calling for wide, No referee calling for offside. All game will be same. More steroid or yet to be caught drug , more masculine power and only result!! Bad day for sport I am sure.

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    1. I was kind of focused on the Olympics…you know the Citius, Altius, Fortius thing that is the motto of the Olympics?

      I’m not asking for total removal of the subjectivity, (except for a rule change that does not allow idiot amateur umpires to give left handed batsmen out LBW). Though wides can be dealt with and so can offsides…

      And I don’t think it follows from there that we will see sport becoming masculine. Women compete amongst themselves as do the men. I haven’t seen a mixed 400m race yet…

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